★★★ WELCOME 2 THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF JAKEY & JAKEY ATTORNIES AT LAW ★★★ WE SUE ANYBODY 4 ANY REASON ★★★ NOW EXCEPTING NEW CLIENTS (maybe) ★★★ ASK ABOUT OUR FREE PEN ★★★ WE ARE NOT RESPONSABLE 4 ANYTHING ★★★
JAKEY & JAKEY
~*~ Attornies At Law & Sons & Daughters & Also Jakey ~*~

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🎉 W E L C O M E 🎉

⚖️ 👨‍⚖️ 📜 💰 ⚖️

Hello and welcom!!! You have reached the #1 law firm on the entire World Wide Web (according to us). Here at Jakey & Jakey we proudly specialize in FILING FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS and BEING TERRIBLE LAWYERS. Whatever your legal problem is, we will probably make it worse. CLICK HERE NOW! (don't click, it does nothing)

🚧 ⚠ THIS PAGE IS UNDER CONSTRUKTION SINCE 2003 ⚠ 👷

We have been pratcicing law for over 1,000 years combined between the two Jakeys (math by Jakey). Our office is conveniently located behind the Arby's, or possibly inside it, we are still in litigation about that.

👔 ABOUT THE JAKEYS 👔

Photo of Jakey (the first one)

JAKEY (the first one) went to law school for almost 3 whole weeks and has a diploma he made in Microsoft Word. He has won zero (0) cases but says that's "on purpose" and "part of a bigger strategy." Specialtys include: yelling, losing files, suing inanimate objects.
Photo of Jakey (the second one)

JAKEY (the second one) is also named Jakey and is either the brother, son, father, or dog of the first Jakey. The paperwork is unclear and we filed it wrong. He passed the bar exam at a bar. He communicates exclusively in objections.

📋 ARE SERVICES 📋

We offer a wide variety of legal services that we are not qualified to provide:

✔ Suing your neighbor for looking at you funny✔ Suing your neighbor for NOT looking at you
✔ Filing important documents in the trash✔ Class action lawsuits (class of 1 person)
✔ Suing the weather✔ Suing ghosts (we lose every time)
✔ Showing up to court late or never✔ Misplacing your case entirely
✔ Aggressive napping during trial✔ Divorce (we will make it worse)
✔ Wills & Estates (we lose those too)✔ Other (ask Jakey, not that Jakey)

NEW We now also do plumbing?? (we are not sure why, Jakey said yes)

⭐ REEL TESTAMONIALS ⭐

(100% real, definitly not written by Jakey in the parking lot)

★★★★★
"I hired Jakey & Jakey to sue my toaster for emotional damages. We lost so bad the JUDGE got a restraining order against ME. Cannot recomend enough!!"
— Carl, probably
★★★★★
"They charged me $4,000 and a goat. I do not have a goat anymore. I'm not even sure what the lawsuit was about. 11 out of 5 stars."
— A Lady Who Was There
★★★☆★
"Jakey represented me AND the person suing me at the same time. We both lost. Incredible value."
— Dwayne (legaly cannot say last name)
★★★★★
"i was just here to use the bathroom and now i own three lawsuits. very fast service. the pen is nice tho."
— Mysterious Stranger #7
★★★★★
"As the opposing counsel, I can confirm Jakey & Jakey are the easiest attorneys I have ever beaten. Truly a gift. Please never retire."
— A Real Lawyer (rival firm)

💲 ARE PRICES 💲

📞 Initial Consultation$5.00 or 1 sandwich
⚖️ Filing a Lawsuit$3,000 + your secrets
🛌 Losing the LawsuitFREE!*
🏆 Winning the Lawsuitn/a (never happened)
🖊️ The Free Pen$89.99
😡 Talking To Jakeypriceless (also $200)

*Losing is free but we still bill you. Payment plans avalible (we do not honor them). All sales final. No refunds. No refunds on the refunds.

🎰 THE SUE-O-MATIC™ 🎰

Cant decide who to sue?? Let our patented SUE-O-MATIC™ machine decide 4 you! (patent pending) (patent denied) (we sued the patent office)

Press the button to discover your destiny ⬇

📖 SIGN ARE GUESTBOOK 📖

Leave a message 4 the Jakeys!! (we do not read them)

xX_LegalEagle99_Xx: first!!! also where is my settlement money it has been 6 years
concerned_citizen: is this a real law firm. asking 4 the bar association
Jakey: yes
your_mom_2004: the pen broke immediately 0/10

📠 CONTACK US 📠

📍 Address:Behind the Arby's (or inside it). 123 Lawsuit Lane, Litigationville. The one with the broken sign.
📞 Phone:1-800-SUE-JAKEY (do not call after 11am or before 10:55am)
📠 Fax:Yes we still have one. Fax us. Please. The fax machine is lonely.
📧 E-Mail:[email protected]
🕐 Hours:Monday: Closed. Tuesday: Maybe. Wednesday–Friday: Depends on Jakey's mood. Weekends: We are at the Arby's.
🔗 You are visiting a proud member of the SUPER LEGAL WEBRING 🔗
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(all links lead back here, we are the only member)
⚠ LEGAL DISCLAMER: nothing on this website is legal advice or advice of any kind or true. by reading this u agree to be sued by us. the Jakeys are not real lawyers in 47 states. void where prohibited. batterys not included. ⚠
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